Mama Robin

Robins built a nest on the fireplace vent. I don't care about the vent as I'm not using the fireplace, but my past experiences with guest robin families does not bode well for these babies.

At the New London house robins were hatched and left the nest too early and died. I had evidence that a neighborhood cat assisted in their demise. The next year a new set of eggs hatched and these babies fell out of the nest before they could fly and hopped off into bushes never to be seen again.

All the robins who choose my houses for nesting don't choose the best area of the house on which to build. The New London nests were in the small lilac tree right by the front door. This fireplace vent nest is by the garage door. Cute little bungalow that it is, the location is not prime.

Today I saw three hungry open beaks waiting for mama to bring them grub. Mr. and Mrs. Robin are diligently caring for their babies. But, oh, do the parents look tired! I was able to look at mom sitting on the nest and she has that haggard-sleep deprived look all new parents wear. She still had the spunk to dive at Watson when we returned from a walk, so I have high hopes that she will successfully raise her babies and they will all live happily ever after.

See, I don't do well with real life and baby bird death makes me cry. The robins worked hard to build the nest, they patiently sat on the nest to hatch the eggs, and now tirelessly flit about protecting and feeding their young. I don't know if bird parents feel sad when their children leave the nest or sorrow if they die. But, I want them all to grow up strong, fly away and raise their own babies. Bird fairy tales.....

Mother's Day

Until I was 29 years old I swore I did not want children. Did not, did not, did not. Then one Sunday afternoon in late summer (yes, I remember the day) I realized I might be missing something.....something that I would later regret not experiencing. Nine months later my daughter was born and indeed, my life changed. For the better. Three years later my son made his appearance and my life became richer again.

I have had my struggles as a mother. To this day I wonder: did I yell too much, did I not pay enough attention, will my mistakes come back to haunt them? From talking to other moms I know these are common worries. And even though my children are legal adults, I try to balance my mothering so they know I am there for them, love them ,yet give them their space. I believe the three of us have charmed relationships. We usually talk at least once per week, I have learned how to listen, when to give advice, when to bite my tongue, and always tell them I love them. They confide secrets in me that sometimes I might not want to hear but am awed they trust me that much.

There was an all too rapid passage of time and in a blink of an eye my daughter and son became adults. Each age brought its joys and frustrations but my children were relatively easy to raise and are now admirable adults. There are moments I wish they were once again little and still held my hand when crossing a road, want stories read in bed at night, and think a kiss will make it all better. But, they are now admirable 20-somethings who are everything to me. They may not need me in the same way they once did, they do still need me.

I get to celebrate Mother's Day because I have two fantastic children who make me a better person than I could hope to be otherwise. I have shed tears about them, I laugh with them, I treasure each minute spent with them. I love them more than I ever thought it was possible to love.

To think I could have missed having my children makes me shudder. I'd like to think that the hand of Providence guided me into realizing I needed these two in my life; I'm glad I paid attention!

Value of Hope

After 100 days in office Barack Obama is one of the most popular Presidents ever and holds a 61% approval rating. Of course there is criticism of what he has or hasn't done in this short time period, but there is agreement that the man has provided the country with hope. People feel an optimism they haven't felt for a long time.

Napolean Bonaparte stated, "A leader is a dealer in hope." If this is true, than Barack Obama is a true leader. Obama campaigned on the message of hope and change; at the time of his election this country was desperate for new leadership, a new vision, and hope. Part of Obama's success is from his essance, his ability to communicate, to remain unflappable, to stay in communication with the media and public. At the very least he gives the impression of working on issues.

The President is what this country needs at this time; he is fresh and has not spent decades entrenched in politics. Yes, he is a politician, but he not part of a political dynasty, is untainted by a long political past and scandal, and is a fresh face (in every way) for the country and world to see. And the country and the world is willing to be patient and allow him to the time he needs to make progress.

I am slightly obsessed with Barack Obama and his family, reading everything I can about them. I don't care that his PR machine is orchastrating photo ops. Every President has a PR machine. Michelle Obama is a fabulous role model, the girls adorable, the dog completing the "all American family" image. We Americans can be very shallow and if being distracted by this family is a way to make us feel better, I'm enjoying it. Every little feel good moment during this Great Recession is welcome.

I am still wanting to have dinner with the First Family. Heck, if hope is the name of the game, I will continue to hope. I am thinking of writing a letter inviting myself to dinner. I don't want to be invited to a formal event as that is not me. Just a little sit down family dinner ....

Suze Orman

An update on my Needs post. I did skim the Suze Orman book at B&N and was underwhelmed. Nothing new that I haven't heard a dozen plus times before on the news, in magazines, etc. I'm not suggesting that this advice is useless but using it depends on a person's life outlook.

One faithful reader recommended that I continue to visit my children regardless of the cost, and I definitely agree. My children are the most important people in my life plus will be picking out my nursing home, so I want to continue my close relationship with them.

Another reader suggested I am either delusional or have an excellent financial planner. Both may be true. I do have a great financial planner and sometimes I even listen to his advice. I don't like reality so possibly the delusional description is true. But, believe me, my delusional world makes me happy, and I spent too much of my life being unhappy. Trust me, money doesn't make one happy; life may be easier in some ways, but happier? No.

Bottom line is unless I cut out my more expensive luxuries, I am not going to save much money. I'm not cutting out cable because I enjoy my plasma TV and all it offers. I'm not reducing my cell phone plan because it allows me contact with my children and the friends whom I actually enjoy. I am not reducing the temperature of the thermostat when I'm awake and at home because I refuse to be cold. I do reduce it at night when sleeping and when gone. I obsessively turn off the lights, don't run water when brushing my teeth, and don't rush to turn on AC although these are more concessions to the environment than to bills.

I do not live extravagantly, I don't have a lot of debt, and I live in one of the more reasonable cost of living areas in the US. I am a moderately conservative investor, so my retirement fund investments haven't suffered as much as others. Yes, I give more thought to money than I did even a year ago. I have cut back on some little things and do not shop are heartily as I used to but am not kidding myself to think they will make a huge difference. I am going to agree with the other faithful reader who reminded me that I can't take it with me. If I want a latte, then I'm going to have a latte. Life really is too short not to enjoy it. Does that mean I won't enjoy my later years because of my lackadaisical attitude now? Maybe. But, nothing in life is certain.

Needs

What are needs? Besides the basic life needs. Someone I know finished reading Suze Orman's 2009 Action Plan and apparently she gives suggestions on safeguarding your money. From what I understand, one should only purchase "needed" things. This, of course, led me to ask, "What is a need?"

Possibly, one person's need is an other's want.. or vice versa. Does a city dweller need a car if public transportation is available? Does a college student need a personal computer if computers are available at the university? These are possibly bigger needs v. wants.

I understand that having cable TV is a want. Purchasing books rather than getting them from the library is a want (although the book stores would sorely miss my revenue). Having my hair colored at a salon rather than coloring it at home is a want.

Shallow wants/needs are a bit harder to discern. Do I switch from gourmet teas to Lipton if Lipton is cheaper? Do I stop wearing mascara to save money? Do I stop driving 2-4 hours to see my kids because the cost of gas adds up? And do making any of these changes really result in significant savings?

I'm getting twitchy just typing this because I have long held the "my wants are my needs" philosophy. Yes, I've been spoiled. Do I think I need to strongly assess my wants v. needs? Yes, probably so. But, (she whined) it is so hard!!

I struggle with the idea of saving for retirement because I don't know how long I will live. What if the world really does end in 2012 (according to the Mayans), and I've been putting money away for naught. I understand that material things don't buy happiness. But if I'm going to bother with retirement funds I'd like to be able to experience the joy of spending them.

The way I see it, in order to really stick to needs, I must cut out cable, buying books and magazines, buy store coffee rather than gourmet coffee and tea, use only the card supplies I have rather than buying more. I could groom my dog myself, color my own hair, stop getting facials, massages, and pedicures (I don't get them often), not buy new clothes or shoes and use what I have. I would stop buying lattes, expensive eye shadow, candles, plants, and would stop going out to eat. But, would I enjoy my life as much? At age 54 am I to stop doing what I enjoy?

Hard questions for each to answer. I'm trying....I more often fail to say no to wants than I succeed, but I am trying. I'm going to save money by not buying Suze's book but may browse it at B&N. Maybe then I'll have a better grasp of the concept.

Taxes

My family did not have much money when I was growing up. My father went to school on the GI Bill and my mother stayed home with us kids. My father became a teacher, my mother went to school to become a teacher; there was not much spare change for extras. My parents did not fight about the lack of earnings because my father believed it was senseless to argue about what they didn't have. My financial planner knows my parents so understands the origins of my nonchalance about investments. Understands, not appreciates.

This attitude carries over to my feelings about taxes. I took my tax information to the accountant today so he can prepare the documents that I am too phobic to configure. There should not be any surprises this year but whether I'm paying in or getting back, my reaction to tax time is the same each year. There is little I can do about taxes so to complain is a grand waste of my time.

We live in a country that provides much for its citizens and those provisions cost money. I appreciate the highways and roads, the educational institutions,the parks, protections provided by the armed forces, police and fire departments. I have freedoms people in other countries envy, and I decided long ago that paying my taxes was what I/we do to ensure our country keeps running. No, I'm not always happy with how my tax dollars are spent but that goes with the territory. Are there better ways in which to tax citizens? Maybe. But I don't expect to see a change in taxes during my lifetime.

I also like my accountant. I don't pretend to understand the tax forms and tend to understand the system intuitively. I have numbers and notes scribbled on pieces of paper, he cheerfully takes them, and doesn't make me feel stupid. I also called late last week for today's appointment and was assured there was ample time for him to do the taxes. That was great news! He charges half the price of H&R Block, I enjoy chatting with him, and he will get my taxes to me in time for filing.

Most friends think I'm nuts for this outlook. That's okay.

My Heart Hurts

My worst nightmare as a parent would be the death of one of my children. I cannot imagine surviving that.

My high school next door neighbor died in a car accident when we were seniors in college. My mother told me it was not natural to have a child die before the parent. While probably not fully appreciating the comment at the time, it stuck with me, and as a parent I fully understand what she meant.

This morning my son called to tell me one of his friends died last night. The boy was a freshman at the same college my son attends and had been at Patrick's house two nights ago. I have known LM and his parents since the boys began playing soccer in elementary school. His mom, JM, and I had taken the kids to movies and swimming when they were younger. I ache for her.

Does it matter how one dies? In the long run, no. A child's death is horrific. But the rumors and innuendos that surround some deaths only exacerbates a painful time. Early reports indicate that LM died from a overdose. An overdose of what is not clear although alcohol seems to be the likely substance. Alcohol poisoning of college students is, unfortunately, not uncommon, but when it is one of your own, none of that matters.

I want to ease my child's pain, I want to comfort my friend, I want to show support in any manner I can. How I do that will become clearer as the day progresses, but for right now my heart hurts. It hurts for another chip in my son's innocence, for the sorrow leaving his girlfriend speechless, for the agony I know LM's mom is experiencing.

To my children: I love you with all my heart and wish to keep you safe. To my friends: I hope you never experience this pain. To all of us: always tell those you love that you care because we never know when it will the last chance to do so.