Playing it Safe

I've never been a risk taker. I fear failure and don't always adapt well to change. As a child I never felt I quite measured up to people's expectations. It has taken 40+ years to get past worrying about what others think, but I still am not much of a risk taker. There are times when I so vey much want to spin a pencil on a map of the US, point the car in the direction indicated and drive. No plans, just drive. That in itself is a pretty safe venture but would still be fleeing some obligations and responsibilities for a time. Go as far as I want for as long as I want doing whatever I want on the way. I love reading stories of women who have done just that.

I want to escape. I want to take a risk at something. I think that is why the thought of teaching in Mississippi keeps coming back to me. Why don't I just get in the car and drive to Mississippi and see what it has to offer. What is to lose in doing that? Why am I so bogged down in what I know? I tell people about the Mississippi idea in a joking manner because I don't want to hear their objections. Some people I don't tell at all because I don't want to hear their opinions on why this would be a bad idea.

So much of my life has been lived inside my head because it is easier to live just with me than explaining and listening to others. A counselor once told me I am my own best friend because I've had to be. At the time I didn't consider that a positive but now I'm not so sure.

I envy people who can take a different route and pay no attention to the advice of others. If it doesn't work out they have gained experiences. At 53 years old I have been playing it safe my entire life. Am I going to die without having done anything exciting? Without taking any risks?

Driving Hazards

While in Appleton this morning I saw the results of one car accident and listened to the radio report of 2 others. The two were on Highway 41 south by Neenah to Oshkosh. The other was on Northland and Lynndale which is a well regulated intersection. I was caught in the traffic backup of this last accident and at first wondered how the heck someone could get into an accident here. Upon further reflection I realized that we aren't always "in the moment" when driving. How many times have drivers had near misses and avoided an accident by the grace of the driving gods. How many times have we driven to a destination and, upon reflection, cannot remember the drive because our mind was on other things.

The accident on Northland and Lynndale was a van that had flipped. Probably easier to do thanI want to realize.

Imagine driving along on a sunny, pleasant 70 degree spring day and suddenly have your entire world changed in a split second --- changed either due to your own neglegence or someone else's. We are all too distracted these days and distracted behind the wheel of a car is not good. An obvious statement but how often are any of us putting ourselves and others in danger because of this distractedness?

No Ideas

I'm having a writing block. Or maybe its an enthusiasm block. I think of things to write when I'm not near paper or computer. Not earth shattering ideas but still ideas. They disappear when I want to write.

So let me be cliche. I am cast adrift on the sea of nothingness. I am blank, devoid of creativity. My pen (keyboard) is forlorn from uselessness. I mourn my muse.

You get the drift.