LMAO

So many jokes are passed on through the internet that we read the same ones over and over. This morning I received a forwarded email that had me laughing aloud. I just had to share it.

The Best Smart Ass Answers of 2008 !!
SMART ASS ANSWER #6
It was mealtime during an airline flight. 'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. 'What are my choices?' John asked. 'Yes or no,' she replied.

SMART ASS ANSWER #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'

SMART ASS ANSWER #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?' The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'

SMART ASS ANSWER #3
The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said. The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMART ASS ANSWER #2
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?' The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'

SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2008 !!
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!' A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'

Casual Observations

Just some thoughts running through my head:

1. Sunshine makes everything better. This kind of goes hand in hand with a tan makes everyone look 10 lbs. lighter.

2. I love a good storm. In the spring and summer a thunderstorm is exciting. Some try to jack up the excitement level during tornado warnings by looking out the window watching the clouds swirl while looking for the funnel.
Last night we had a snow storm with howling winds. I curled up with a Greg Isles book and enjoyed the coziness.

3. I love the soundtrack to "Slumdog Millionaire." While I haven't seen the movie yet, I watched the Academy Awards, saw a dance expo on GMA, and have ordered the soundtrack. Am toying with the idea of ordering some tunic tops and caftans so I can float about in my clothes. I already own the hookah so am on my way to adopting a new heritage.

4. If I were to live by the saying, "What would you do if you could not fail?" I would be a performer. I would at least be a doo wop girl, work my way to diva status, and then star in some movies. Since failure isn't an option the fact that I have a lousy singing voice doesn't matter.
(A huge problem with being a famous performer would be having every move documented and having people invading my privacy. I just don't like people enough to have them in my space. Rather than carrying a little rat dog in my purse I'd have to take a bull mastiff with me everywhere.)
Being a pianist, author, figure skater, comedian,or nail polish namer would also be "no fail" jobs for me.

5. I've had four dreams about meeting Barack Obama. Hopefully prophetic dreams! How fantastic it would be to have dinner with the Obama family in a relaxed atmosphere, chit chatting about what not.

Ah, just zig zagging thoughts this afternoon.