Annabelle

Twenty-five years ago today my daughter was born. My life changed that day and I don't mean in the typical ways. I learned to pick my battles; I learned to accept her for who she is, not who I thought she should be; I learned that it is often the little moments and not the big events that a child remembers; I learned when to listen and when to keep my mouth shut--basically because I learned to ask if my role in the conversation is to listen or to advise. And I have learned that an adult child is, oh, so much fun!

We did not always get along. Mothers and daughters don't seem to do well living under the same roof. But, she went to college, matured, and I feel closer to her than I ever have. She has many qualities I wish I possessed. At 25 years old she has a self confidence it took me 40-some years to gain. She embraces her individualism and is pursuing her passion.

My heart hurts with how much I love her. I am, also, immensely proud of the young woman she has become. Happy Birthday, Princess Annabelle. You truly are "my sunshine....you make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know, dear, how much I love you."

Pre-Summer Teaser

Sunday morning, sun is shining, 80 degrees, slight breeze, birds chirping, sound of lawn mowers in the neighborhood, children's voices. Feeling content and happy just because of the weather.

Effectiveness

D. is a 6th grade LD student whose mood fluctuates hourly. He can begin the day pleasantly and cheerfully but turn moody and work resistant for no apparent reason. His inability to shut his mouth when in the negative mood does not bode well for those of us attempting to work with him nor does it help him in any manner. He also has a mother who does not care about his work ethic.

By 7th hour on Monday he refused to do any work. I knew that in homeroom we were going to the computer lab to let students play computer games. Trying to "motivate" D., I stated that he would be allowed computer time only if he completed his assignment. No change in behavior.

As any parent knows, when carrying out a disciplinary threat, the adult suffers the consequences of the threat as much as the child. Banish a computer, cell phone, or TV and the parent endures a pouty, bored, snotty child. Teaching is no different. During computer lab time, D. continued to refuse to work, and I continued to strongly encourage him to change his mind. It would have been easier on both of us to just let him go on a computer. Since that didn't happen, neither of us left that lab happy with the other.

After the bell rang, and as drove home, I felt irritated at both D. and myself. Was it really worth the effort to try to get him to work when he clearly wasn't going to do it? Was I more involved in a power struggle rather than academic encouragement? Was it really my job as paraprofessional, rather than as the teacher, to consistently cajole (nag, threaten, bibe, harass) him into working? Or should I have washed my hands of him and let him sit unproductively? I concluded that the next day I would wash my hands of him and let him be.

Tuesday, 1st hour, D. cheerfully greets me and announces he is going to be better and willing to work. This will make it an easier day for both of us, so I am happy with this declaration. What I would love to know is whether D. woke up that morning and randomly decided to be positive or if my hassling him the previous day made an impact.

This is one of the basic educational unknowns....what actions taken by the teacher/parapro positively impact students. If I had ignored his unmotivated behavior would he have come to school Tuesday in that good mood or would he have continued bucking school work? I wish I knew......

(One old adage President Bush and Senator Kennedy forgot when promoting the "No Child Left Behind" bill is "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink." We can provide educational experiences for children, but they must want an education and their parents must want it for them. Circumstances are vastly different for school children today than when we baby boomers were in school. Anyone not familiar with school children today may not understand the difficulty in educating students for no other reason than parental support is not behind the schools.)

Mother's Funny Bone

A lighter side of Mother's Day:

"I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them." Phyllis Diller

"A suburban mother's role is to children obstretrically once, and by car forever after." Peter De Vries

"A mother is a person who seeing there are only 4 pieces of pie for 5 people, promptly announces she never did care for pie." Tenneva Jordan

"Working mothers are guinea pigs in a scientific experiment to show that sleep is not necessary to human life." Author unknown

"Mothers of teenagers know why animals eat their young." Author unknown

"There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it." Chinese proverb

While humorous, there is also truth to these quips. But as every mother knows, survival in the toughest job in the world depends on a fabulous sense of humor! Here's to all the mother's in the world who laugh at themselves and parenting.

Women with Power Tools

Except for the "cracks in the glass ceiling" attention when Hillary was running for President, women's rights is an issue rarely addressed any longer. Young women today do not carry the torch of feminism prevalent in the 60's and 70's, possibly because they grew up knowing more equal treatment. Women enjoy greater respect and broader employment opportunities today due to the strides made by Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinem.

At my elementary school boys and girls had separate playgrounds. During high school, 1968 - 1972, we did not have Title IX, had to wear dresses to school until my sophomore year, my mother told me to let boys win at games, and we did not have co-ed gym classes. When I graduated from high school in 1972, females became nurses, teachers, or secretaries. Approximately 10 females out of my graduating class of 224 went to college.

Flash forward to 2010. Appearing at my door to clean up my flooded basement were three women. Three women who wielded power tools and hauled heavy industrial fans and dehumidifiers. After all these years I still rarely see women in such roles so was gratified and impressed to meet these three.

They explained to me that the restoration business is huge and there are many job opportunities. The young man who was coordinating the clean up efforts told me he preferred working with the women rather than the men. He explained that men often become cocky once they got used to the job, but the women always want to learn more. However, there is still progress to be made in some attitudes. The women told me about driving an hour to a job only to be told by the male homeowner to turn around because "no woman could do this job."

These women and all those people (males, too) in non-traditional gender roles give me hope. This is still a sensitive issue to me because I have too often been patted on the head, patronized, had my suggestions ignored only to have a male's same idea accepted. I have heard men say, "Women are taking men's jobs" or question a females sexual orientation because they choose a traditionally male profession. So, it is gratifiying to know that women are still pushing the boundaries and not letting gender limit their job opportunities.

Thank you Maria, Heather, and Carla for being the Paul Davis Restoration employees to show up at my door. Besides being extremely efficient, enlightening, and fun, you are role models for others.

Aging

"The years had nibbled away the clear-cut contours and it was a high-risk strategy to get straight out of bed and count on looking fine. No, more than that: it was impossible."

Revenge of the Middle-Aged Woman by Elizabeth Buchan

Fortunately, as we age we no longer care as much about looking fine right out of bed!

Wisconsin Spring

Spring doesn't come easily to central Wisconsin. We have had a few days in the high 70's and even an 80 degree day. After surviving 5 months of winter, residents are panting for green grass, flowering trees, sunny daffodils, and blazing tulips.

This branch is from an ornamental tree in my backyard. It is always exciting to see buds sprout out of dead looking branches.

One woman's weeds are another woman's flowers. I enjoy seeing dandelions in April -- they are little dots of sunshine in the lawn and a true sign of the season.

Most annuals cannot be safely planted outside until after Mother's Day. However, pansies are hearty cold weather plants, and I've taken advantage of that and have 3 pots of various pansies on the front porch. An early taste of annuals to come.

Watson accompanied me outside and is sunning himself while I take pictures.

He likes spring because he gets more frequents walks.

I've always contended I wouldn't miss seasons if I could live in a warm climate year 'round.....this spring had me questioning that. While I would sacrifice winter in a heartbeat, spring is THE breath of fresh air after arctic weather and truly a sign of rebirth.