Thursday, August 21, 2008

Men's Fashion Faux Pas

Men fashion don'ts:

Large gold chains. Such an outdated disco look or pimp wannabe accessories. Only an Olympic athlete can pull it off, preferably if there is a sentimental story behind the chain.

Tennis shoes with khakis. Tennis shoes can be worn with faded denim, athletic apparel, or shorts. That's it. No exceptions.
White socks with anything other than tennis shoes. (Well, maybe a white tux) How ghastly is it to see white socks peeking out of dark dress pants or dark Dockers; this is a beacon announcing that the man is "clueless."

Black socks with shorts. This is such a stereotypically old man look and the only men possibly able to be given a fashion pass on this is an old man. If a man is so dense that he wears black socks and shorts, he should be not be allowed out of his abode without fashion police clearance.

Shirtlessness. There are a few young men with beautifully sculpted bodies who can pull off the shirtless look. Unfortunately, there are more men whose body should never be shirtless in public. Because men seem to lack the wherewithall to know when they should remain covered a law needs to be passed that makes it illegal for any male over the age of 7 to be shirtless. However, if a shirtless male fashion police force is ever established, I would volunteer to "license" men able to go shirtless.
Comb overs. No one is fooled by comb overs. It is better to embrace baldness than to pretend it can be covered. Cut the remaining hair close, shave it off, or wear a hat that never leaves your head.

Speedos should never be a consideration unless an Olympic swimmer. Come on, guys, look in the mirror. I'm not sure a eunich could successfully wear one. Less is not more.
This may not be a complete list but it is a start. If you have read this list and think you can be an exception to these rules.......you are wrong. Tis better to error on the safe side than be the subject of female snickers.

1 comment:

VC said...

A certain brother is upset that you're describing his wardrobe.