Already July

July already. While the summer temps have been cooler than normal, you'll get no complaining from me. We have had "San Diego" weather for much of the summer -- 70's, little humidity, breezy, sunny. It hasn't rained for a few weeks which means my lawn is slowly turning a crispy brown which is just how I like it. Translation: no having to mow the grass! Oh, the weeds are hearty and growing like, well, weeds but so be it.

I can't seem to focus too long on one topic which is why there have been no coherently written blogs. Oh, I've written my articles for Examiner.com and all but haven't felt a burning desire to communicate any profound thoughts here. Even some of the recent political hilarities provided by prominant Republicans hasn't spurred me to write. The Mark Sanfords and Sarah Palins can implode well enough without me.

How have I been spending the time?

1. Visiting shops and writing articles on them. I have met delightful shop owners, assistants, found bargains, and promoted these places on the website.

2. I have spent time with both children. Patrick is now in Ireland for three weeks and from what we hear, he is having a grand time! Learning Celtic (and the boy thought they spoke English there), dancing (I want a demonstration upon his return), drinking Guiness, and eating new food combinations.

Ann has been back and forth and is in the midst of packing up her apartment to make her move to Milwaukee. I spent an afternoon with her while she got a new tattoo and we had much fun. I cannot wait to have her closer so we can spend more time together.

3. My social life has been busy. Between graduation parties, a bridal shower (please, don't invite me), the 4th of July, and meeting neighbors I have spent more time with people than usual. It has been fun and an upcoming wedding this Saturday should be the icing on the cake.

4. Watson and I have discovered a dog park a few miles away. I know he enjoys the great scents and I love seeing all the breeds of dogs. Yesterday we met a shitzu mix sporting a mowhawk.

5. I have been reading a great deal. Finished two Steve Martini novels--Double Tap and Shadow of Power. Double Tap was good but in Shadow of Power I felt that Martini was lecturing me on his political and social views. Not that authors don't do that but usually are not so overt.

Beverly Hills Dead and Hot Mahogany were the two Stuart Woods novels read. Beverly Hills Dead was set in the heyday of movie studio rule in Hollywood and interesting enough. Hot Mahogany is a Stone Barrington novel and these novels are lightweight Stuart Woods. Predictable but still a comfortable read. The trouble with reading Stuart Woods is he will never top his novel Chiefs, the first book I read by him. Great ending.

Right now I am 3/4 through The Survivors Club by Ben Sherwood and it is one of the few non-fiction books I've read recently. The book explores why and how some people survive events and others don't. It is a fascinating book and believe me, the next time I fly I'm going to reread certain sections!

6. Tomorrow is shopping and craft day with three teenage girls. Before you shudder at the thought of spending time with that gender and age group, let me assure you I enjoy these three....helps that that aren't mine! For now, these are like my psuedo-grandchildren!

Well, that is my life right now. Yes, it is a bit mundane but it is summer and that is enough.

Mother's Day

Until I was 29 years old I swore I did not want children. Did not, did not, did not. Then one Sunday afternoon in late summer (yes, I remember the day) I realized I might be missing something.....something that I would later regret not experiencing. Nine months later my daughter was born and indeed, my life changed. For the better. Three years later my son made his appearance and my life became richer again.

I have had my struggles as a mother. To this day I wonder: did I yell too much, did I not pay enough attention, will my mistakes come back to haunt them? From talking to other moms I know these are common worries. And even though my children are legal adults, I try to balance my mothering so they know I am there for them, love them ,yet give them their space. I believe the three of us have charmed relationships. We usually talk at least once per week, I have learned how to listen, when to give advice, when to bite my tongue, and always tell them I love them. They confide secrets in me that sometimes I might not want to hear but am awed they trust me that much.

There was an all too rapid passage of time and in a blink of an eye my daughter and son became adults. Each age brought its joys and frustrations but my children were relatively easy to raise and are now admirable adults. There are moments I wish they were once again little and still held my hand when crossing a road, want stories read in bed at night, and think a kiss will make it all better. But, they are now admirable 20-somethings who are everything to me. They may not need me in the same way they once did, they do still need me.

I get to celebrate Mother's Day because I have two fantastic children who make me a better person than I could hope to be otherwise. I have shed tears about them, I laugh with them, I treasure each minute spent with them. I love them more than I ever thought it was possible to love.

To think I could have missed having my children makes me shudder. I'd like to think that the hand of Providence guided me into realizing I needed these two in my life; I'm glad I paid attention!

My Heart Hurts

My worst nightmare as a parent would be the death of one of my children. I cannot imagine surviving that.

My high school next door neighbor died in a car accident when we were seniors in college. My mother told me it was not natural to have a child die before the parent. While probably not fully appreciating the comment at the time, it stuck with me, and as a parent I fully understand what she meant.

This morning my son called to tell me one of his friends died last night. The boy was a freshman at the same college my son attends and had been at Patrick's house two nights ago. I have known LM and his parents since the boys began playing soccer in elementary school. His mom, JM, and I had taken the kids to movies and swimming when they were younger. I ache for her.

Does it matter how one dies? In the long run, no. A child's death is horrific. But the rumors and innuendos that surround some deaths only exacerbates a painful time. Early reports indicate that LM died from a overdose. An overdose of what is not clear although alcohol seems to be the likely substance. Alcohol poisoning of college students is, unfortunately, not uncommon, but when it is one of your own, none of that matters.

I want to ease my child's pain, I want to comfort my friend, I want to show support in any manner I can. How I do that will become clearer as the day progresses, but for right now my heart hurts. It hurts for another chip in my son's innocence, for the sorrow leaving his girlfriend speechless, for the agony I know LM's mom is experiencing.

To my children: I love you with all my heart and wish to keep you safe. To my friends: I hope you never experience this pain. To all of us: always tell those you love that you care because we never know when it will the last chance to do so.